Paperclip

Paper clips annoy me. Once you bend a paperclip, you can never get it back to its original shape. I have an oral fixation and have to have a paperclip or toothpick in my mouth when I am at work. I end up bending my paperclip and then I am just livid that I can't get it back into shape. Especially when it's the last paperclip. Then you have those little boxes that have a hole in the too with a magnet and you fill the box with paperclips and they stick to the magnet. I always try to bury the misshapen paperclip at the bottom of the box but it inevitably finds its way to the top.

I like chewing on the coated paperclips. They have a little plastic cover and you can pull the cover off. I don't know what to do with it once I pull it off. I try to put it back on the paperclip but that is like fishing a tennis ball through a straw because when they cut the paperclip from the long metal piece, it made the ends just a little rugged and sharp.

The point of this is simple. I don't know why I don't just throw the paperclip and its casing away. I guess I feel guilty throwing something away when it belongs to the company I work for. If the cleaning lady found my trashcan full of misshapen paperclips and chewed up sheaths she may get the wrong idea. I don't know what idea she may think but I know it won't be good. She could tell my boss and he will make me pay for my oral fixation and that will get around the office. Embarrassing. Or she could think that I am using them to clean parts of my body.

I would rather just hid the evidence in the little box.

My air mattress

I woke up in the middle of the night last night to find myself trapped and sinking in whirling pool of sand! And as I tried to swim my way out of this disastrous situation I began to realize that I was still in bed. I wasn't sinking! My air mattress had just procured a hole over night and decided to deflate mid-sleep.

I am adding this to the list of hardships that has come my way in the past few weeks. Whats more, I can't find the hole so the mattress has to be blown up again like every half hour. Its like having to feed a newborn through the middle of the night!

That should be mandatory for sex ed in schools. All students are required to purchase an air mattress and poke a tiny hole in it. Then they have to sleep on it and refill it every 30 minutes. "This is what you get when you have sex before marriage!"

Just another brick

I have been saying "dog" like it was going out of style. I can't help it though. I am not really sure why but it just comes spewing out of my mouth like vomit at an after party. It seems almost involuntary. This becomes less and less noticeable to me as the days go by. I don't even know I am saying it. It has become habitual.

Our lives certainly lend themselves to a habitual nature. Some of us are stronger than others but few of us have the strength to fight off habits. I have heard that you should practice making your life full of positive habits. I beg to differ. When good things in your life become habits they tend to lose their meaning.

Scenario: You are walking along a brick road. This road is long and boring. It passes through middle of the desert. It is hot and you are thirsty. The road is made of red bricks packed tightly together. Definitely the work of a professional. You walk along this road for hours upon hours. You finally come to a brick that is bright blue, like the sky. You notice this brick because it is different from all the rest. There is nothing special about the red bricks because they are all the same but this blue brick seems so brilliant and unflawed even though it doesn't fit. The brick is misshaped and doesn't fit the slot intended for it. You stop to look at the brick in wonder if even for a short time before you continue on. You finally reach your destination: home. Your family gathers around and asks you about your journey. Not much to report really except you saw this one brick on the road that was different from all the rest. "It was vibrant and colorful" you say. "All I could think about was that brick the rest of my journey." "Why is that?" your family asks. "Because I couldn't help but think that I am a red brick. I fall into the same routine every day and follow the crowd. I fit the mold perfectly. I am just a piece in the path with nothing that stands out. I don't want to be a red brick anymore. I want to be a blue brick. I want people to remember me on their journey. I want people to know that I am different and I don't fit the mold perfectly. I am a little awkward and a little different but I am perfect. I am not a creature of habit but a habitual creature. I will make it a habit to be different."

The joys of the office

I sit right across from the bathroom and I am surprised at the amount of bathroom breaks are taken in a day. My office is also the storage room. All of our samples are in here and people are in and out all day long looking for various things.

But back to the bathroom. Not only are there a lot of bathroom breaks taken, but during those bathroom breaks I am surprised at what I hear. For instance, a coworker of mine goes to the bathroom every morning and just lets em rip. I am talking real nasty and loud. There is just no shame in his bowl movements. I have to listen to the whole disgusting process which usually has me laughing pretty hard by the end because he tries these subtle little coughs to "cover the sound" but it just makes it worse. The amount of air freshener that our office goes through is shocking.

This other girl that works just down the hall from me has a tendency to worship the porcelain goddess at least once a week. I don't know if she get food poisoning every week or what the deal but I can tell you this, she walks in, throws up, washes her hands, and walks back to her desk as if nothing happened. I don't think she is bulimic due to the regularity of it (and she is no skinny minnie) but there is definitely something wrong there.

Another coworker works just down the hall as well. She goes to the bathroom like eight times a day! How does that much junk fit inside her? I mean she is in there every hour on the hour. And when she is done she sprays that air freshener for a good ten seconds!

Needless to say, I use the restroom when I go home for lunch.

When life hands you lemons

This morning I was driving to work and happened to rear end somebody. I am not going to lie and say it wasn't my fault but I will say for sure that I am not happy with the other driver. This experience came with the worst timing. I have been having a troubling few months. I just started a new job that I am not very good at, I have struck out with the ladies, I am broke, and now I get into a car accident. On top of it I am having these splitting headaches. Just the icing on the... the straw that broke the.... the last.... There are so many cliches that I could use here but I am not sure how it could get any worse.

So this evening I was praying that God would provide a way out. I need to get a new job and get some money and a car. I was talking to my mom about all these issues and praying at the same time I was praying that God would show me a sign. Mid phone call I received another phone call. It was from a guy that wanted to purchase my surfboard. I believe it was God helping me get some cash. Then my friend Tony called and said I could use his car for as long as I want. Two of my biggest concerns were handled for me. I guess all things do work out when you lean on God.

So cliches are there for a reason.

When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, sit back, and let the world wonder how you did it.